January 24th 2021

Sometime after midnight...

What in the fuck am I even doing here?

Fuck I don't really know man..

I just took a piss in a bottle...

I don't have running water inside this shack room at my mom's house.

What kind of loser pisses in a bottle inside of a shack at their mom's house?

Me I guess..

I don't live here though at least. In fact, I shouldn't be here for more than two more weeks and then it's back to my apartment across state.

A lot of shit has gone down with my life lately that has kind of ended me up here at the moment but I don't really care to get into all of that right now..

Anyways, I guess I'll do a bit of talking about something since I've made this into it's own page and all.. I'm a little drunk at the moment and probably not the best writer as of right now.. Been drinking some Vodka and Modelo and just ate a quarter slice of a mushroom cap. A microdose you could say... Helps to level out the slight drunkenness or something I would say...

I've been thinking about the internet a lot lately. Shit like social media, google, amazon, cnn, reddit, washington post, ny times, and all that kind of corperate bullshit that makes up the top five to ten sites on the internet.. Shit, might as well make up all of it since that's all that seems to get traffic these days anyways. I mean I'm not some kinda old school 90's internet geek or anything like that. Shit, I was only born in 97. But ya know I can kinda remember a time when I was younger where browsing the internet was a bit more exciting.. Back when you could spend hours searching for things you were trying to find.. There was a kind of accomplishment and satisfaction that you felt from finally finding what you were looking for back then. I guess it's pretty convenient now that everything you could need to find is pretty much all coming from a small handfull of sites but the homogenization of the internet really seems like kind of a bummer.. Anyways, I guess that's kinda why I'm here. Not that I think I have much of anything important to say but maybe I could bring some excitement back into something that now seems pretty lacking in such... Not saying that my life or thoughts are extraordinarily profound or interesting.. But they are unique to me and I think it's fun to hear other people's thoughts so why not put my own out there?

I think there is something special to the idea of sharing anonymously.. I think it might have actually been one of the things that I found so special about the internet in my younger years. Anonymity is something almost exclusive to the internet and one of the things I find so enticing about it is the ability to speak freely without the same kind of anxieties that comes from in person conversation.

To an extent I believe most everybody adjusts themselves to fit the assumed structures and expectations of social circles and relationships, conforming to certain assumed and sometimes enforced social norms. This incudes society as a whole; as well as smaller, tighter knit social circles. Although conformity within society and one's social circles and friend groups is important to a degree, I would argue that many people, whether as a result of low self esteem or fear of misunderstanding, withold thoughts and opinions that are important to that individual and likely valuable to discussion. I believe that this fear of social ostracization has further grown in recent years as social media has created louder and louder echo chambers. I think people are afraid to speak their minds.. Or maybe think nothing for themselves at all... Idk...